Katerina – Catoptric Tristesse – the sadness that you’ll never really know what other people think of you

The Light.

…

I will never forget this day, February 4th, 2015. It felt like yesterday because since then, time has been moving in slow motion. I had been feeling sick recently and had thought nothing of it. It was just the chills and maybe I was losing some weight, but I didn’t give it a second thought. Until this “sickness” didn’t go away. My mom, her name is Aileen, suspected something was wrong even though I told her I was fine. She had a gut feeling, or mother’s intuition as she called it. She knew something was wrong and made me go to the hospital. I’m terrified of hospitals. I don’t know if it’s the fact people die everyday in those hospitals or if it’s that smell of cleaning agents and bleach that hospitals have, they just freak me out. At the hospital they ran so many tests that I thought we would never leave that place. Just laying on that bed, waiting, staring at the terrible fluorescent lights that just made my eyes hurt. They poked at least four needles into my arm, I say at least because after four I just stopped counting. My mind felt like it was going to explode, there were so many thoughts running through my head, “what if i’m dying” I whispered to myself under my breath and thank God no one heard. I didn’t want anyone to know how terrified I was. I had to focus on the positives, focus on the light.

…

Well, turns out I am dying. I’m trying to convince myself that this is all a dream, this isn’t real. But I keep waking up, opening my eyes, and seeing those bright lights starring back at me, gazing into my soul. I have leukemia and only 3 years to live, the doctors say. It was on February 23rd, 2015, that I was given the approximate day I would die. My parents were devastated, but what could they do, what could I do. I just had to focus on the light. If I was happy then maybe people around me would be too. I just had to be the light of everyone’s life.

…

I always knew this day would come. It’s March 16th, 2018 and I’m not afraid. I’m sick and I know it. Everyone knows it. Alina is my name but I never truly understood it until I was diagnosed and given a shorter expiry date on my life. Alina means “light” in Greek. I have to be strong because I have to be the light of my family and the light of my own life. But now, I truly am the light, because I see it, I see the light and and it envelops me. So warm. So bright. The light.

…

Free Choice December

January 22, 2018 / katmurashko / 0 Comments

Free choice December: An emulation from a poem (pg30) from Slick Reckoning by Ken Belford.

Whatever happens.

Life is deceptive

and I stumble. I’m flawed.

Love makes infinite

use of finite signals.

It’s hopeful to think

of living, not as a constraint and

not as something short,

but as something

that is free-moving, one day

after another, building on itself.

By day I favour happiness, but by

night i’m offbeat, and I stumble.

I’m flawed.

Past memories force me to

overthink. These thoughts drown me.

And I stumble and i’m flawed.

Days feel shorter.

They speed by, taking me

with them.

This piece is an emulation from the poem from page 30 of the book Slick Reckoning by Ken Belford. It came from my writing journal after we were reading poetry in class and I picked up Slick Reckoning and was reading the poems, which I really liked. And then I chose a poem to emulate from and this piece came from it. At first I was following the same style as the original poem but towards the end I drifted from the exact style of the poem and just wrote whatever came to me. I decided to post this piece as my free choiceDecember because I liked how this emulation turned out.

Here is the original poem:

Whatever happens.

Language is deceptive

& i cheat. i’m flawed.

Poetry makes infinite

use of finite signals.

It’s understandable to think

of roots, not as constraint &

not as something temporal,

like trust, but as something

that is free-moving, one day

after another, when idea’s surface.

By day i favour names, but at

night i’m offbeat, a far cry from

the narrative quickstep &

forced memory prompts

made of gossip and strings.

Mr. Reynaldo Villaflores – Bow View Manor Interview

December 13, 2017 / katmurashko / 0 Comments

Author’s Note: This is a poem I collaborated with Aaron on after the interview we did with Mr. Reynaldo Villaflores at Bow View Manor. He talked about moving to Canada from the Philippines as well as his heart surgery and having to move between hospitals. Mr. Villaflores was great to talk to, he was very calm and even cracked a few jokes. All the hospital staff were very friendly to him and he was such a kind person. Thank you to Mr. Villaflores for being the inspiration for this poem.

Mr. Villaflores

Many words describe Mr. Villaflores.
An immigrant from the homeland of the Philippines,
where warmth and adobo are present.
Where seasons of wet and dry are of importance.

At the age of 39,
the journey began
to a country unknown.

Feelings of snowflakes fluttering down onto his eyelashes,
he set foot onto winter’s frozen doorstep.
Only to have the ice catch him by surprise.

Fellow Canadians
rushed to help him and lessen his fall.
A welcome message,
sent by the land of Canada.

A strong, brave man
who believes his life is set on a script.
For recovering from a surgery of the heart
is of no easy feat.

On land and fleeing high waters
in the floods of 2013,
the frenzy of Mother Nature
is experienced.

But most of all,
at the age of 81,
and still staying so strong,
Mr. Villaflores is a father.

A comedic, humourous, and loving father
who loves and cares for his two daughters.

A father who laid down the roots
for many generations to come.

A father who has the heart of pure gold.
Salamat.

Thank you, Mr. Reynaldo Villaflores, for being the inspiration to our poem.
Sincerely, Aaron and Katerina

image: https://www.tumblr.com/search/snow%20falling%20gif

Feature Article – The Mental and Physical Strain of Competition on Elite Figure Skaters

December 4, 2017 / katmurashko / 1 Comment

The Mental and Physical Strain of Competition on Elite Figure Skaters

That first step onto the ice, hearing your blade cutting through a thin layer of the ice surface. Your thoughts are so focused on what you have to do.This is what you’ve been working towards, for so many months, even years. All the training over the years, preparing for competitions. The blood, sweat, and tears that led up to this moment. The stress builds. But you have to trust yourself, that you’ll land all of your jumps, you’ll do all of your spins with precision and balance, and hope that you’ll get all the points you can and win. But physically you’ve done all you can do. Now it’s time for your mind to take over. ”Just breathe” you say to yourself “you can do this”. Even if you fall, you have to keep going and keep trying. You have to get up and just pretend as though you never even fell and just keep pushing yourself. It’s that last thought of “I can do this” or “I can land this” that gives you the strength to succeed, that last bit of mental strength.

Figure skating competitions require a balance of mental and physical preparation. Muscle memory and vigorous on ice and dryland training prepare the athlete for competition physically. However, without the mental preparedness and confidence to compete, being physically prepared is not enough to be successful.

Many physical injuries can come out of training and preparing for competitions, ranging from a minor injury, to a severe one. The most common injuries are overuse injuries, being obtained from actually landing jumps more than when falling, because of the “one-sided” sport that figure skating is. The saying, “one-sided” comes from the fact that most skaters land on the same foot every time, therefore, the strain on the body is very one-sided. Doing triples (and quads for some men), can exert up to 8-12 times their body weight when landing on the ice on the ⅛ of an inch width blade and the very stiff boots that figure skating requires. Putting that pressure and strain on a figure skater’s body can cause problems with knees, hips, and other joints and ligaments. Figure skaters are some of the most determined and resilient people you will ever meet. Because even through the falls and the pain, they get back up and keep trying and pushing themselves to achieve their goals. Winning takes dedication, and with the determination of elite figures, those who really want to win, will do their best. Even if this means having to withdraw from competition to heal from injury, such as Ashley Wagner has this past week due to an ankle infection.

Figure skating is a complicated sport when it comes to the technicality of competitions. There are so many specifics that need to be thought of ahead of time and prepared for. Even having to adjust your costume or dress once on the ice will cost the skater precious points. With all these little details to think about, figure skating becomes a very mentally straining sport. For competitions, you have to be able to think on your feet. Being a competitive figure skater means knowing what to do to get the most points, even if that means having to slightly change the jumps that you have to do if you messed up any previous jumps. Overall, figure skating is a very mentally straining sport when it comes to competition. It takes a lot of focus, dedication, and confidence.

References:

Pomai, C. (2017). Mental Toughness: How Elite Skaters Get Ready For Competition | ICE Mental Game Coaching. [online] Sportspsychologyskating.com. Available at: https://sportspsychologyskating.com/mental-toughness-elite-skaters/ [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Lower Extremity Review Magazine. (2017). Over the Edge: Lower extremity injuries in figure skaters. [online] Available at: http://lermagazine.com/cover_story/over-the-edge-lower-extremity-injuries-in-figure-skaters [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Pomai, C. (2017). Mental Preparation for Success in Figure Skating | ICE Mental Game Coaching. [online] Sportspsychologyskating.com. Available at: https://sportspsychologyskating.com/mental-preparation-success-figure-skating/ [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Figureskatingpsychology.com. (2017). Figure Skating Confidence | Sports Psychology for Figure Skating. [online] Available at: http://www.figureskatingpsychology.com/figure-skating-confidence/ [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Belluck, P. (2017). Science in the Quest to Ease Figure Skating’s Strains. [online] Nytimes.com. Available at: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/23/science/23skate.html [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Images:

GIPHY. (2017). Gold Skating GIF – Find & Share on GIPHY. [online] Available at: https://giphy.com/gifs/gold-race-DyhyL1qh4wk6s/links [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

Rebloggy.com. (2017). Yuzuru Hanyu being flexible as hell. [online] Available at: http://rebloggy.com/post/edit-sport-olympics-figure-skating-olympia-ice-skating-yuzuru-hanyu-woooohoww-so/77057947441 [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

GIPHY. (2017). Figure Skating GIF – Find & Share on GIPHY. [online] Available at: https://giphy.com/gifs/jump-olympics-skating-jzfStOWoilfMI [Accessed 4 Dec. 2017].

A to Z

December 4, 2017 / katmurashko / 1 Comment

I used the prompt of “U is for underground” but with the letter R for rental shop.

U IS FOR UNDERGROUND
What to do there: Spend some time on the Underground, or Subway, or Metro and focus on the people and situations you notice. Find evidence for the following: discovery, delight, amusement, envy, ambition, solidarity, longing, loss, vulnerability, anxiety, isolation. This could work just as well on a train, a bus, a ferry or a plane.

R is for Rental shop

A rental shop can be a very busy place at times. With workers rushing around grabbing boots, helmets, and skis or snowboards. Customers filling out waivers, trying on boots, and getting everything figured out. With all different kinds of people in the rental shop, a lot of different emotions and feelings can be seen and experienced. There are people very nervous or anxious as it is there first time skiing or snowboarding. They don’t really know what to do and just hope they’ll be a natural. There are also experts, who know exactly what they want and how they want it. Going to set skis is a breeze with experienced individuals, they are confident. A few children are crying, with their parents trying to comfort them, or just blatantly ignoring them. A few children are laughing, excited to get out on the slopes. There are workers chatting, some seem tired, others are just happy to be making some money. There’s also some music in the background. Some people are coming to do some snow sports all by themselves, some are with their family’s or friends. The rental shop is such a great, diverse place.

I will be using the prompt of “S is for sports stadium” but using the letter I for Ice rink.

S IS FOR SPORTS STADIUM

What to do there: Arrive early. Write about the place filling up. Write about the thrill of being in a crowd at a sports game about to begin. Write about different roles people have in that setting. For added effect, write in the first person plural in the voice of the crowd,: “We…”. End your story just as the whistle blows, or the players run onto the field, or the national anthem is sung. For guidance, read Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.” You could combine this with the previous exercise, R is for Ring.

I is for Ice rink

The doors slide open, you walk into the rink. There aren’t many people there as it is 5:45am and there are only a couple workers, some figure skaters, and a few coaches in the entire rink. The rink is pretty much silent. The rink is still asleep, just as everyone there wishes to be. In dressing room three, the figure skaters are getting there skates on. The jackets are all hung up around the room, the shoes lay under the benches, and each persons bag laying near their feet. There are a few small conversations but other than that, almost no one is talking. We have to get on the ice in 5 minutes and a few skaters just showed up and are rushing to put their skates on. We start to file out, heading towards the ice and we finish putting on out gloves. We stand by the benches until the the clock hits 6:00 and we all step out on the ice.

image: http://www.laughinggif.com/gifs/fyx3mpnkoq

My Anecdote

October 27, 2017 / katmurashko / 0 Comments

This anecdote came from a writing journal we did in the class. The prompt I chose was “Laughing until our stomachs cramped and our eyes cried was the best feeling…” and it reminded me of a story of me and my best friend on vacation in Mexico a few years ago.

We were probably 12 or 13 or so, me and my best and lifelong friend Jane were on vacation and we happened to get a room together, which normally doesn’t happen, but it did. We also shared this room with another friend, but during all this, she just wanted to sleep.

So here it goes. We were just laying on bed after we got all ready to sleep after a long day of relaxing on the beach. I really don’t remember how exactly this happened, but one of us probably made a joke or said something funny. Maybe made a funny face. But all of a sudden, we could not stop laughing. And I mean, could not stop. We were laughing so hard we were crying, clutching out stomachs, but we could not stop. Every time we got close to calming down, even just looking at each other would start up the laughter once again. This went on for hours.

At about 2 in the morning, Jane decided to get up to go to the bathroom, just across the room. As she was walking there she noticed a puddle on the floor. We all got up and turned on the lights and discovered that the ceiling was leaking. What an end to our night. Though we thought this was pretty funny, we ended up finally going to sleep after this and just telling our parents about the leak in the morning. But this goes to show that as long as you are with your best friend, everything will be okay, and even the bumps and obstacles in life can be dealt with. And everything in life is funnier when you’re with your best friend.

[image: https://giphy.com/gifs/cute-fashion-smile-Qn2VBnllygRPi ]

A Letter To Past Me

October 10, 2017 / katmurashko / 8 Comments

This is a letter I wrote to my past self. It was originally for a creative writing class assignment but I chose to include it into my blog as well because I feel like that by later looking back at this I will be able to see the progress I have made, in both my writing and my life.

Dear Katerina,

You’re ten years old. That’s a big year, finally in the double digits. This is the year you got your first pair of glasses, and even though you’re worried people will judge you, try not to, they won’t. Soon glasses will become a big part of your identity.

I know you’re only 10 and in grade 5, but don’t worry, and try to learn to enjoy school as much as possible. I know that you don’t like school, but maybe, just maybe, if you try to enjoy it, it won’t seem so bad.

Grade 5, the first year of middle school. You’ll have some good times and some bad times. You’ll pull through. Just try your best and always try and do your homework, even though I know that it’s hard sometimes, it doesn’t get any easier. You’ll meet some new people, some new friends, and some people that just really won’t matter to you. Just be yourself. 10 years old will feel as though you are older than dirt, but you’re not. You have so much left to experience, so much life to live. So be happy. Don’t listen to the few negative people in your life and just be happy and live how you want to live.

This is the year you’re going to start figure skating! Just keep at it, keep skating and never stop. 7 years later, to this day, you’re still figure skating and I love it. Just keep striving for your goals. Keep figure skating. Keep drawing, painting, and sculpting. You still play piano but don’t worry, soon you’ll start playing the drums which you will enjoy quite a bit more. Also, try your best, in school and in life. But the biggest thing I could say is be confident.

Sincerely,

Katerina.

{Images: http://rebloggy.com/post/time-skins-cassie-ainsworth-hannah-murray-skins-pure/57993816778 & https://giphy.com/gifs/grow-8WZuME6ca8q52 }